Having a good time?

This is the next in my series looking at ‘purpose’. I suspect that for most of us enjoying ourselves – having a good time – is at least part of what we seek in life. For some it will be the main thing. We have one life, so why not enjoy it?

So is maximizing enjoyment our main – or one of our main – life purposes. And would we admit it if so?

Because living for your own enjoyment is surely a selfish choice. If society were full of individuals just looking out for their own pleasure, wouldn’t that be bad? I’d agree, and yet it could be argued that this a more logical and consistent choice than many others. Let me explain.

Let’s first look at what genuinely seeking only our own enjoyment would mean. When faced with a choice, we would choose the option that brings us the most pleasure and joy. This would be so even when that results in pain, sadness or reduced joy for others.

However we should add a couple of caveats.

Firstly enjoyment often relates to others. We find joy and happiness in our relationships with others. The joy of seeing pleasure when someone else receives a gift. The enjoyment of time with friends and family. So our enjoyment in life may mean seeking things that also bring happiness to others. But this would be done for selfish reasons rather than for the sake of the others.

Secondly, if we are obviously self-centered then this will impact how others treat us. We can lose friends if they feel we are just looking out for ourselves. So a truly hedonistic approach to life may require the appearance at least of a concern for others, albeit one that is really a facade necessary to increase our personal enjoyment.

I have outlined an attitude that is selfish at heart. But isn’t this wrong and immoral? Shouldn’t we care about others? For example providing for those that have little, even if that we means we have less ourselves. Or ensuring that our families or friends are cared for and flourishing, even where that means missing out on some things ourselves. I (and many others too) would say yes, absolutely. But where do we stop? There are so many needs in the world, that even if we gave all we had to help others, and expended all our energies to help others, those needs would still not all be met?

There are some examples of individuals who do seem to largely expend all their energy and possessions for the sake of others. Bishop Myriel in Les Miserables is one fictional example that comes to mind. But real examples are even harder to find, and such an attitude seems beyond us, an unrealistic and unattainable aim. And while there is joy and happiness in helping and serving others, such a self-expending approach to life will also come with a cost.

So we are faced with a conundrum. If we consider our own enjoyment and pleasure as our ultimate purpose, this leads to a self-centred approach which puts our desires above anyone else’s (though we may have to disguise this fact to optimize that enjoyment). Alternatively if we consider the benefit of others our ultimate purpose, this if followed through consistently will lead to us having very few material possessions in a way which would come at a considerable cost to ourselves and our ‘enjoyment’ and which we will find hard to consistently attain. Most of us find ourselves somewhere between these two extremes, but surely how we choose to balance our enjoyments and the needs of others is going to be a somewhat arbitrary decision with the only truly consistent approach being one of these two extremes.

So if we want to seek a purpose in life in terms of enjoyment (ours or others’) – what should we do? Be selfish, inconsistent, or poor?

For me, I look to Jesus. In him we have a real example of someone who expended his life for others. He had ‘no place to lay his head’ (Matthew 8:20), and came to live a life ‘not to be served but to serve others and give his life as a ransom for many’ (Matthew 20:28). But Jesus also taught that our purpose and meaning doesn’t derive primarily from either getting enjoyment for ourselves, or seeking it for others. Jesus taught that the most important commandment was that ‘you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind’ (Matthew 22:37). Meaning and purpose in life resides first of all in that relationship with God. This doesn’t mean that we can ignore the needs of others – after all the second commandment according to Jesus is equally important and is that ‘you love your neighbour as yourself’ (Matthew 22:39). When asked who is our neighbour Jesus gave the parable of the good Samaritan, indicating that – while we don’t need to take the cares and needs of the whole world on our shoulders, that is beyond us – we should be concerned for and do something about the needs which are in front of us.

So no I don’t find a pursuit of enjoyment a satisfying answer to give as we seek a purpose for life. If I were to pursue my own enjoyment I would find that morally wrong. And if I wanted to pursue enjoyment more generally, considering the enjoyment of all people not just my own, then pursuing this consistently would be beyond me. For me, purpose has to come elsewhere. I’ll explore more alternatives another time!